Women's Awareness Blog











{October 13, 2014}   “Do you think girls dress in a way that invites trouble?”

Weigh in,..

Do you think girls dress in a way that invites trouble? http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/06/opinion/costello-provocative-clothes-dont-cause-rape/?cid=ob_articlesidebarall&iref=obinsite

Imagine this scenario: A young man is talking with his father about sexual assault. How might that conversation go in a world where you believed girls could provoke boys into attacking them simply by being scantily dressed?
Son: “Dad, you were right. I couldn’t control myself. She looked so…sexy. I knew she wanted it.”

Father: “It’s okay, son. It’s evolution. Men have been tempted since caveman days. She should have covered up. How short was her skirt?”

I’m praying most fathers would never dream of raising a son this way.
I accept the fact that men are visual. Mike Matthews puts it like this in an article on catholiceducation.org “….The fact is, it doesn’t take much visual stimulus at all for guys to become sexually aroused. The sight of the female body, even just a little bit and even if it’s a complete stranger, can trigger sexual thoughts instantly. This might be difficult for women to understand, but it’s absolutely true…”   http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/06/opinion/costello-provocative-clothes-dont-cause-rape/?cid=ob_articlesidebarall&iref=obinsite

Linda Fairstein, who prosecuted sex crimes for 30 years in New York City says, “Sexual assault is the only crime in the book, literally, where the offender repeatedly blames the victim. I’ve … had men who attacked 5-year-old girls who’ve said, ‘she climbed on my lap and she was very sexy and I thought she was inviting me to touch her.'”  http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/06/opinion/costello-provocative-clothes-dont-cause-rape/?cid=ob_articlesidebarall&iref=obinsite

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 1 in 4 rapes take place in the victim’s home. Two in 10 rapes take place at the home of a friend, neighbor or relative. And almost two-thirds of all rapes are committed by someone the victim already knows. Don’t think a short skirt provoked these men to rape.  http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/06/opinion/costello-provocative-clothes-dont-cause-rape/?cid=ob_articlesidebarall&iref=obinsite

My daughter was 22 when she died at her boyfriend’s music studio after someone spiked her drink with GHB. She had gone to the studio alone and after hours by late night invitation of the boyfriend/rapper. She told her roommate she was going to get the boyfriend and return. She lit a candle and left. No one saw her alive again.

Her boyfriend drove my daughter to a hospital dead on arrival. She had been dead several hours before he took her to the hospital. He never called 911 when she fell to the floor after unknowingly ingesting GHB instead he decided to let her sleep it off. He claimed he didn’t know how she came in contact with GHB and he and the band suggested in their statements someone spiked her drink at the dance club before she arrived.

Only problem with their collaborative story is she walked 13 blocks from the club to the boyfriend’s studio, which is physically impossible given the amount of GHB still in her body post-mortum. The boyfriend/band also claim in their statements to police that my daughter had been at the studio approximately 40 to 50 minutes before she collapsed in seizures. We now know depending on stomach contents one can react to GHB in 10 to 15 minutes following ingestion, depending on the stomach content and, presence of alcohol. Her’s stomach was near empty; she’d had two glasses of wine over several hours. It’s clear from these two facts alone there existed reasonable cause for the D.A. to take the case, because the expert’s report challenged the boyfriend/band’s version of the facts. The investigating police officer didn’t believe the boyfriend’s/band’s story because the band manager was known the police said for drug dealing and possibly laundering money. The case went from the police directly to the homicide division.

But, today, my daughter”s case remains a cold case. The homicide detective did little to investigate the case and, in my opinion, was a fan of the rapper/ band. He ignored the GHB expert report who reviewed the records and concluded the GHB had to have been ingested at the studio. This one report written in April 2000 provided cause to prosecute because the boyfriend/band had all testified they were not the source of the drug but the expert, Dr. Debroah Zvosec’s report indicated otherwise. The homicide detective accepted the boyfriend and band’s statements which claimed my daughter came to their studio uninvited and drunk, and, often, showed up at parties uninvited and on drugs. THE DETECTIVE BLAMED THE VICTIM. He immediately made it clear he believed my daughter voluntarily took GHB and he tried to discredit my daughter. Yet, the medical personnel, police, friends of my daughter all testified, otherwise. They boyfriend/band lied according to the people who walked home from the club with my daughter and saw her minutes before she walked the final block alone to the studio. These witnesses were never questioned by the homicide detective. Less than 24 hrs. after the boyfriend/rapper took my daughter’s dead body to a hospital, he left town. When I tracked him down, he confessed, he and the band had been messed up for days on various drugs which he said caused him to make a bad judgment call in not calling 911 when my daughter collapsed and went into a coma. The boyfriend and his band have been free men and were never prosecuted for their crime of causing the death of a WOMAN/GIRL!  I hope to soon complete and post her for my readers, Shadow Dance, a fictionalized version of my daughter’s story. 

Our bodies are the garden of our soul. We should not have to defend ourselves against the onslaught of predators who act like friends who care and value our lives but in reality only seek two things: vulnerability and opportunity…then, they strike. Raise your awareness to include your sisters, who may be out alone and vulnerable, please befriend them and invite them to join your table, group or network of friends.  Remember, You are more likely to survive sexual assault if you fight back then if you submit. Please take up a Self-defense class in your neighborhood!

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