Women's Awareness Blog











{June 3, 2016}   Katie Koestner

Bringing her story of date rape to the world, Katie Koestner (http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-36434191), kept her story alive. We know it can happen to any girl or woman. It can happen if your female. Thank you Katie Koestler for awareness you have provided by telling your story until people listened. Thank you. I know there are many of you out there that have a story too. Let us hear your voice. Join the conversation.

Please, help keep my daughter, Skylar’s story alive. Its a story about how a young 22 year old girl can innocently or unknowingly open doors and hearts to predators in their midst. I have written a novel, called Sophie’s Shadow. (previously written as SHADOWDANCE by Cat Lynn Boyle as of 2016 03 20by Cat Lynn Boyle as of 2016 03 20) It tells my daughter’s story. It’s about what happened to her one dawn when her boyfriend invited her after hours to his studio. Seven hours laters, she died in his arms after ingesting a drink laced with the date rape drug, GHB. Skylar’s case is a cold case, and, what her case needs is the attention Katie Koestler is able to incite around her experience with date rape. Katie Koestner is the hero, I’m not. If any of you reading this blog have ideas about how to build momentum around Skylar’s story, please reply with your ideas. And, Katie, if you read my blog, I’d really enjoy hearing more of your story. Thank you for following.

 



As many of you, who have followed my blog in the past, know, I’ve been distracted by the intensive work of editing a novel, Shadow Dance, which is written in memory of my beloved daughter, who died as a result of a GHB poisoning, and, for whom this site is in memoriam. I am so thrilled to inform you that the work of editing is paying off. Shadow Dance has received literary mention, by the William Faulkner Literary Awards for 2015 Best Novel Honorable Mention!

It will not be long before Shadow Dance will be available in bookstores, as well as if you place a request here for a free copy once published in gratitude for following and supporting raising awareness of violence against women.

WFLA 2015 Best Novel Honorable Mention Shadow Dance Cat Lynn Boyle

FOLLOW HERE AND CLICK ON “SHADOW DANCE” to read a copy.

http://williamfaulknerliterarycompetition.com/2015-winners/



Raised on Disney’s Beauty and The Beast, I totally bought into the princess waiting patiently for the prince to arrive. Girls are taught from the beginning to be nice and patient with an abusive partner (or parent etc. ) like the Beast and as long as you remain so, he’ll transform into a Prince. This was totally the pattern in my life.

Growing up seemed a drill for marriage. My parents harassed me to sit straight, cross your legs,  and to be hyper-vigent about what position my legs took when I sat. Sexuality was suppressed. But, ironically, my parents left me in harm’s way. When I was 5 my father’s drunk best friend molested me in the backseat of my father’s car, while my father and mother were in the front seat oblivious to where his best friends hands reached. I never told my dad until I was 30 yrs. old, and he walked away from me disgusted not by what happened but by what I confided. When I turned 9, my father eerily watched me in secret as I drew female body parts on a doll. He then snuck up behind me grabbed the doll tossing it and took me to my room where he took off his belt and beat me. I felt such shame begging for forgiveness over acknowledging my own sexuality. Soon after, also, when around 9, I was molested by a gang of neighborhood boys. Later, my parents kept screaming did he put his “thing” in you, over and over. I didn’t understand what “thing” meant but realized it was something more horrible the touching genitals. When I was 13 my father’s business partner, to whom my parents volunteered me as a babysitter, molested me before driving me home and giving me more money than I earned babysitting. When I confessed to my mother she said I was never to tell my dad or anyone else, or bring shame on the family. When this man, as well as my father’s best friend who had molested me, came to our house I had to pretend nothing had happened. Between 15-16 my father refused to allow me to date even though by 16, I was a senior in high school. To my dad, boys were threatening and he policed me and accused me falsely of secretly meeting boys but by then I lost interest in dating boy preferring my girlfriends. My parents sent messages to me constantly indicating female sexuality was threatening, needed to be hidden, not discussed, or suppressed otherwise it brought harm and shame. Wow, did my sexuality really stand a healthy chance?

My trajectory to becoming a woman arched between 1964 and 1972, and, by 1970 I embraced the cultural sexual revolution  meaning sexual liberation and freedom. Married by 18 my marriage failed largely because I wasn’t that into sex with my husband. Divorced by 20 someone drugged me with a date rape drug and raped me. A second and third marriage failed, including a marriage to a Christian Grey character (Fifty Shades of Grey), who abused, raped and stalked me. Overall, I survived all the Beasts, including my father, patiently waiting for the prince but he never arrived.

Now, in the 21st century gender equality ushers women to a new threshold pushing the boundaries of the old rules to a no rules status on a par with men. Anything goes for gender equality now means…you can show your bra or your panties, or go braless, wear no panties, wear a thong while rock climbing to a photo shoot [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2948865/Irina-Shayk-goes-topless-displays-pert-posterior-thong-bikini-racy-Sport-Illustrated-swimsuit-issue-shoot.html], pole dance in your bedroom, bondage in the marital bed, children imitating the scantily dress of porn stars…women seeking genital surgery to loo like porn stars…Inclusive of female gender equality arrives fifty shades of grey liberating sexual violence and danger, and promoting the depraved notion that women really enjoy rape, sodomy, bondage and being abused. Is consent to abuse truly sexual liberation? Leading female vocalists, reality stars and Hollywood personalities strip down and bottom up for pole dancing or to use their breast and bottoms as objects for selling products. Nothing is sacred about the female anatomy in western civilization. Feminine modesty lies hidden somewhere behind the Middle East Burqa. Porn and porn queens dominate mainstream pop culture with what once was discovered in hidden places now is available at the flip of a switch to you cable network.

But, how do these cultural evolutions impact our young girls and women today and their emerging sexual identities? For no matter the place in history, female sexuality in western culture i.e., the rape culture, is distorted, exploited and manipulated for commercial purposes. Sex and sexuality sell products, concepts and ideas.

In this article, the author contends those mixed signals about sexuality begin with Beauty and the Beast. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-maas/love-hurts-what-we-learn-from-beauty-and-the-beast-twilight-and-fifty-shades-of-grey_b_6672742.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women

We are more than our bodies.



Husband’s fantasy…let see..buy GHB and hire a predator to sexually assault his wife: http://wtvr.com/2015/02/09/police-husband-purchased-ghb-to-drug-sexually-assault-wife/  It must be the water.

I watch a program the other night called the Pyramid Code that offered proofs that experts from all the sciences are meeting to attempt to re-date history as much has been tossed, suppressed, plundered, destroyed, or discovered much later dissolving older theories while new ones emerged (Newton v. Einstein.) Ever hear your expectations affect the outcome of your experiment. Nevertheless, these scientist claimed mankind is just coming out of its’ lowest spiritual connection since the Golden Age 40,000 years ago, which these experts report is a more accurate dating of the earliest matriarchal Egyptian dynasties. Point being the shift hasn’t happened yet our society is pretty depraved. Don’t take my word, listen to the media, the music, the cable, the advertisements, your friends, co-workers, by standers…It doesn’t matter it’s everywhere. Look around there’re a lot of deprave people who look at women like prey or objects and can easily buy GHB and wait until you’re most vulnerable.

Wake up. Look around. Know the landscape. Predators are waiting, watching, Let’s hope, the whole planet wakes up and raises their awareness of the need to learns to live in peace and love and respect all life. If you have a husband, let’s hope he’s got your back, otherwise he’s not worth it like the guy in the video above. What’s he thinking? Any guesses? Be aware take self-defense classes.

Awareness is key. You are the miracle you seek.



“The one thing a violent rapist deserves is to face is a good woman with a gun!” That was Wayne LaPierre, executive director of the National Rifle Association, the standard bearers for America’s gun lobby, making the case that personal firearms prevent rape.” http://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2013/mar/25/guns-protection-national-rifle-association WHAT DO YOU THINK. If you were about to be raped how would you feel if you had your gun to pull? Empowered? What’s your take?

According to National Sporting Goods Association, female participation in target shooting grew by 46.5 percent between 2001 and 2010, to 4.89 million shooters. The National Rifle Association reports an increase in female participants in classes and events by as much as 20 percent…http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/07/girls-with-guns-how-arming-more-women-could-change-america/260421/  It make sense that women are showing up. Why go to the slaughter unarmed. Men will think twice when it becomes a fact that women are armed for protection.

About half (48%) of gun owners said the main reason they owned a gun was for protection, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in February 2013. About three-in-ten (32%) said they owned a gun for hunting. That was a turnaround from 1999 when 49% said they owned a gun for hunting and 26% said they had a gun for protection in an ABC News/Washington Post poll… http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/04/24/5-facts-about-the-nra-and-guns-in-america/  The statistics don’t lie. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes.  http://www.lifeafterdatingapsycho.com/blog/dating-violence-statistics-and-definitions

Make it your personal goal to take some form of self-defense classes in 2015.



But closed circuit T.V.s told the true story of what happened that night: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/27/vanderbilt-rape-guilty_n_6558710.html



Gender and Sexuality are different concepts

Male & Female = Gender

There are 2 options for everyone on the planet, which can be broken down into 3 distinct pieces: Gender Identity; Gender Expression; and Biological Sex (reproductive organs i.e., penises and vaginas are the determinant of gender).

But, gender is not universal, is not cross-cultural and gender changes over time.

But, gender is relative, is cultural, and gender, the way we express it, changes over time.

But if someone has a penis he’s raised as a male; if someone has a vagina she’s raised as a female

But gender is really about how you make sense of your sexuality in your head…its based on many determinants…about how you line up with the expectations associated with reproductive organs (according to a TED speaker: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2013/05/my-ted-talk-understanding-the-complexities-of-gender/)

But, some people…have a different gender identity than one of the two options (male or female) like transgender and all the other categories of gender related to human beings in the 21st century.

Gender isn’t something you can understand in ten minutes. Its more complex than just whether one has a vagina or a penis. So, what’s going on?

In summary according to a TED speaker, your biological sex (or the parts you’re born with) is only a component of gender, its not a determinate of who you are as body parts don’t necessarily mandate who you’re going to be.

Not all people fall into the binary gender categories of male and female…trans-gender, transvestite, genderqueer, agender, etc. if you’re born with a penis you’re taught to be a  boy; if you’re born with a vagina you’re taught to be a girl. But the two gender categories don’t express the complexity that exists.

Gender Equality is about the freedom to uniquely express gender without binary categories or stereotypical judgments.

Now, we need space…to allow everyone, despite how they biologically present, to express their gender uniquely and feel safe when they don’t fit into a binary gender world.

It’s complicated. Forget what you’ve been narrowly taught to believe about gender and Raise your Awareness, opening your heart to allow acceptance of everyone’s relative expression of gender.



{January 11, 2015}   Product Recall…

Hello out there…You know, when you think about it, the media in general, the fashion industry, the porn industry, music & entertainment especially rap & ghetto music, even female artist like Lady gaga, Rhianna, etc, movies, stripping & pole dancing, rape and the whole criminal justice system concerning rape, body and facial surgery, black market prostitutes, predators, drugs especially date rape drugs, and alcohol….the list is long…but you get the picture…women in these scenarios are pawns at best at worse are a means to an ends..for

western patriarchal society submits to the whims of men. It creates a culture dominated by the whims of men. When everything clearly caters to the whims of men why change the laws? Why legislate more rights for women? Why not limit or take away women’s rights? Why not enslave women in a system that defeats them?

Why does century old violence against women persist throughout the world? It persist because it is the whims of men. Why are women exploited like commercial products? Because it further dehumanizes women, half of humanity.

Product recall REMINDING YOU raise your conscious awareness. Don’t be enslaved by dehumanizing systems and cultures. You’re the miracle you’re waiting for. Think of those 1.5 million people who took to the streets in Paris this morning to march against oppression by Jihadists. There were each the miracle. Equality to be whoever you are is a human right shared by ALL men and women. Be your own miracle. Own your sexuality without submitting to the whims of men. What’s your take? Weigh in.



If you’re going out to celebrate New Year’s be sure to take your best friends and stay aware of your circumstances, predators lurk. They watch for lonely drunk girls they can isolate. Know the source of your drink and examine its location at all times. Be discerning. Predators hunt for prey.

According to one author…a recent study showed that most men who hit on women in bars aren’t intoxicated. And they’re more likely to target women the more drunk the women are. It’s not about sex, or sloppy mistakes. It’s about men who see drunk women as easy prey. http://feminismformyfather.com/2014/06/23/on-predators-at-the-bar/

If you don’t have friends or relatives to go out and celebrate with, make your own party at home and be grateful for the wisdom in staying safe at home with the remote and a bag of chips.

Have A Happy New Year!



{December 23, 2014}   Portrait of Systemic Misogyny

Rant from UCSB Shooter, Elliott Rodger :

“On the day of retribution, I am going to enter the hottest sorority house at UCSB and I will slaughter every single spoiled, stuck-up, blond slut I see inside there. All those girls I’ve desired so much. They have all rejected me and looked down on me as an inferior man if I ever made a sexual advance toward them, while they throw themselves at these obnoxious brutes,” the video says. “I take great pleasure in slaughtering all of you. You will finally see that I am, in truth, the superior one, the true alpha male.”  https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2014/05/27/uc-santa-barbara-students-killed-shooting-rampage

“It’s Not All Men” is the media lament…men like Rodgers are the exception…BUT according to Michael Laser, in his article about Jiam Ghomeshi (Canadian writer/musician & CBC radio host –Serial Women Abuser… http://globalnews.ca/news/1647091/timeline-sex-assault-allegations-arise-after-cbc-fires-jian-ghomeshi/) , he says, “…that is bullshit…It is all men. We, collectively…are responsible for creating…conditions that not only facilitate Ghomeshi, but that ensure he will exist.

This is a very uncomfortable and inconvenient truth. It is all men and the society that they produced that allowed a misogynist, alleged serial abuser to rise to and feel comfortable within the halls of media and fame, despite the now known and clear indications that he was a predator all along and that many, many people could have done something about it but did not.

The people who knew did not care. He was famous. He was a celebrity in our eyes. He had very real institutional power. And so, as is increasingly clear, even though everyone on the inside seemingly either “knew” or had an inkling that he was a predator, no one did anything.

No one did anything…Despite all the protestations to the contrary, this is as old as male patriarchal power and is entirely predictable in a male supremacist “culture” of institutionalized pornography and prostitution and of male violence and sexual power as an accepted norm…The very nature of systemic oppression means…We have all, especially as men, participated in the “locker room” or trash-talking objectification of women and in the creation of a culture and context in which a Ghomeshi would feel right at home…

Given the fact that misogynist predators like Bill Cosby, R Kelly, Woody Allen and many others can continue to be famous, respected and embraced as “artists” despite the established reality of what they have done to women and girls, why would anyone be either surprised by Ghomeshi and his enablers or the fact that he got away with it for so long?”    http://feministcurrent.com/9789/it-is-all-men-our-culture-of-predatory-misogyny/

HOW SOCIETY CONTROL WOMEN via SHIT POLITiANS AND WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT WOMEN”S REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS even in situations of rape and incest: http://www.politicususa.com/proof-war-women-2

It is a struggle to understand why a woman’s reproductive rights, who describe abortion as a lifestyle convenience for women is the focus of so many men dominating the U.S. Congress. Do you, as a women, get the felling you have little control over your own female body and reproductive rights? It’s as though women’s bodies are a means to an end, reproduction.

Like Tina Fey said, “If I have to listen to one more grey-faced man with a $2 haircut explain to me what rape is, I’m going to lose my mind.”

The Media’s Ideal Woman & Objectification of Women…Despite the physical, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual obstacles in the quest to achieve idealized beauty, women continue to chase it.

..To combat sexism and objectification, society must reshape its patriarchal framework and move towards more egalitarian standards.

Therefore, working towards a society where women can walk safely down the street without fear of assault, or can look in the mirror without negative mental and physical consequences begins internally and hopefully effects the external environment.  http://newyorksociologist.org/11/Berberick2011.pdf

Change your thoughts (ignore the media) about who you are as woman and watch the external world transform. What is your idea for eliminating violence against women, eliminating objectification of women, and ending politics that diminish a woman’s reproductive rights.



et cetera